Spiderman 3 in a Nut Shell...where it fucking belongs!

I'm not gonna write up a review for this horrendous movie. I WILL, however, post my IM conversation I had with Ami about the film when I tried explaining how bad it was.

And yes...I do curse a lot...and yes...Ami does use emotes that much...

Ami: you watched it alrdy? XD
Ami: a lot of ppl have been saying it was bad :(
Me: I saw it last night with Mike
Ami: including IGN
Ami: who thinks spiderman is the greatest hero evar
Me: Bad doesn't do it justice
Ami: and that the movies are the greatesst movies evar
Ami: :O
Me: Spiderman 2 was fairly good
Me: Batman & Robin was Bad
Me: Spiderman 3...was like...the ugly angry sex child of the two
Ami: :O
Ami: was it a fun bad
Ami: or a bad bad?
Me: who was then abortioned but somehow lived on rat fecal matter and grew up to be a crack whore
Me: and the kind of crack whore that not even dirty old hobos would pay for because even they have standards
Ami: :O
Me: About that kind of bad
Ami: have you been hanging around grant morrison?
Ami: XD
Ami: that was a very involved metaphor
Me: It warranted it
Ami: :O
Me: Let me just leave these words to swirl around your head
Ami: so what didn't you like about it? :|
Me: 2 song & dance numbers
Ami: :O
Ami: i heard about that!
Ami: why are there song and dance numbers!? :O
Me: Spiderman 2 had a scene where Peter quit being Spiderman and "Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head" played in a little series of shots where he was enjoying life
Me: THAT was a cute little scene
Me: Here we get a scene where Peter gets raped by the Symbiot and then goes into "Stayin' Alive" where we see a series of shots of the worst disco dancing i've ever seen, emo hair cuts, sleazy-guy-who-hangs-outside-the-girl's-middle-school moments of him winking at woman on the street, and then more bad disco dancing
Me: there is also the big dance finale where he plays the piano like a fucking pro (I guess black suit spidey had rythm then?) then dances on some night clud tables and salsa dances with Gwen Stacy all while looking at Mary Jane like he's gonna eat her liver with beans and wine
Me: and of course let's not forget the opening the features Mary Jane lip synching to a terrible love song while I guess she is supposed to be in a musical (no musical opens the way this one does...i'm sorry they just dont)
Me: this is all tacked onto the fact that we don't actually see Spidey in action until half an hour into the film after being tortured with love scenes worse then Star Wars 3

I would like to conclude this by also mentioning that the intro sucked because it did not have the wicked awesome Alex Ross artwork that the past Spidey film had. I feel this was a fantastic way to forshadow the terribleness of the movie.

No Alex Ross intro = Bad